Love / Loss / Presence
Their lives
are part
of mine.
I want to remember the whole person: the wit, the thoughtfulness, the things they loved. Their absence is part of my life. So are their lives.
My brother
The Gavin
I want you to know.
Gavin loved guns and shooting. He also loved animals, and he refused to hunt because of it.
He had a super-quick wit and a great sense of humor. He was a human lie detector, with an instinct for sniffing out BS. Funny, sharp and deeply attached to animals—that combination is part of how I remember him.
When I tell his story, I want those details to have room. His character, his humor and the things he loved deserve to be here too.
My friend
Michael
Pasahow.
Meticulous. Organized. Thoughtful. Deep. Insightful.
Michael, my friend from Dallas, had what I called his Capricorn nature. Those are the qualities that come to mind when I try to put him into words.
I want to remember the person behind them: his thoughtfulness, what he noticed and what made time with him distinct.
My grandfather
A man who
loved being alive.
I went through the last couple of years of my grandfather’s life with him: falls and broken bones, heart challenges and insomnia. He fought for life to the end because he treasured it.
I was with him the night before he died. The photographs and videos I kept hold a personal history: what was happening, what I remember and the man who loved life through all of it.
The changing shape of grief
An ocean.
Not a straight line.
The path of grieving feels to me like crossing an ocean. Long and short waves. Deep and high. Smoother stretches, then rough and turbulent ones.
It can be difficult to understand from outside the immediate family. Someone is grieving while another person is waiting for a returned call or text. I want to talk about the empathy that moment needs—and how much we may not see of another person’s experience.
Faith belongs here too. What really matters? How do I want to spend my time? Am I living in connection with God? Do I practice prayer and walk with God on my heart?
Those are questions I want to keep asking while I am here, alongside the people I love.
The next conversation
While we
are here.
There is room for the people, the questions and what it means to carry them.